Sometimes when God asks us to trust in Him it doesn’t go the way we thought it would. Spirit lead me where my trust is without bordersLet me walk upon the watersWherever You would call meTake me deeper than my feet could ever wanderAnd my faith will be made stronger When we follow Him into…
I am fascinated by the human design. The way that our heart, mind, soul, body, and spirit interweave together to make us whole is truly amazing. Each aspect of our design is so interconnected that when one is fractured, it deeply impacts the other. But one of the most beautiful parts of our humanity is…
The Banana Peel It was nearly eleven o’clock at night when the phone rang. I had just slipped into my pajamas after a regular 14 hour Sunday – and I was tired. It had been a good day, and I had just taken a bunch of youth out for pizza and dropped them off at…
Recently I hit a Wall. I had no idea that I wasn’t doing well – I thought I had been dealing with my stuff. I was aware of my slow disconnect with God, and even my own heart, and because life was hard I was just giving myself grace. But one night it all did…
The Victim Inside From a young age I have struggled to have my own sense of identity. I tried to listen to all of the voices and demands telling me who I should be and perform my way through life. A part of me wore a religious mask to spin the image of who I…
I wrestled for many years with a deep shame from being fired by a church. Failing at a ministry position is tricky. It is usually not a case of job descriptions and qualifications, but rather a personal issue. Ministry wasn’t just a task for me. It wasn’t just something that I got a diploma for…
I used to think that I could arrive in life by climbing an imaginary ladder of success. Striving to prove myself, I spent years trying to be a good Christian and live up to who I thought I should be. I had a deep desire to do what the bible told me and to live…
The brave soul has been a place where I have chosen to be terrifyingly honest about my journey with God. And as tempted as I am to wait and tell this story in hindsight *to ensure a good and happy ending* I am choosing to tell it in the middle. In the middle – in…
For so long, I thought that my battle was against the church leaders and others who had caused pain in my life. I was offended by the ways that they hurt me and the things that happened. The painful memories kept me trapped in the story with a bitter residue. I had felt powerless trying…
Breaking the Silence Years ago, when I was fresh out of bible college, I was passionate about God’s call on my life. I had a resounding YES in my heart and was willing to go wherever I thought that He was leading. One of those times led me to a solo move across the country…
Off in the distance, the Rising sun captivated her attention and for a moment she broke free from the monster’s grip. The sky began to fill with color like a painted canvas, dancing wildly over her. It was breathtaking. As she stood there and watched, a hunger rose up inside of her – as if…
It took me a long time to stop living in denial, but I was finally willing to embrace the whole story. I sat with the pain, admitted to it, and acknowledged the reality of my past. But inner healing comes in layers… There came a point where I looked back – seeing all – and…
Oftentimes when we tell stories from our past we talk about what happened to us – the events or circumstances that we faced and how we overcame them. Like a narrator, I spent years recounting the details of my testimony. But I had no idea that there was another version to my story that I…
When I began this blog, I was excited to share the amazing testimonies about how God woke me up inside. I had been writing the process down for years while the journey was unfolding, but when I started to share them thru my lens of today, I have been struggling with a disconnect. I realized…
The Abandoned House He led me into a house that looked like a large mansion. It was white walled, huge and spacious, yet lifeless. There was furniture all around, but it looked to have been covered for years with white sheets and cobwebs. He was so excited to show me around, but I didn’t understand. …
As I slipped into the back, the speaker had already begun. I can’t remember the name of the class that night, but as I walked in she was telling a story about the Holy Spirit. Her eyes lit up as she recounted her adventures of hearing His voice so easily and simply, and how she…
The Invitation I saw a picture of Jesus inviting me to come into a safe place with him. The place looked as though it was floating mid air, and there were cubes that held as stairs leading up to this structure. The cubes looked like ice, and then I realized that the entire scenery looked…
As we head into a New Year, I have been processing just how hard and painful this past year was. I have to admit – it was challenging, and everything felt like it was on the chopping block. Our marriage, our future, our finances, the peace in our home…our dreams…everything. For some reason, this past…
Ambivalence is like standing on the fence of the “undecided”. If I lean too far toward hope, I might tip the scales for fear of waking disappointment. And if I lean too far into doubt, my heart begins to grow cold and bitter. So it feels safer, more “righteous”, to stay numb. Indifferent. Because sometimes I’m…
Being Seen It had been a super rough season and I could feel myself slipping back into survival mode. I wanted to be “fine”, but I was not. Inside I was raging, and aching, and sad. Just so sad. I felt like I was missing out in life, like I’d lost my chance, and I…
My Own Song What I wrestle most deeply with is finding a sense of belonging. I am eccentric, passionate, untamed, and creative and I don’t seem to fit in anyone’s box or paradigm, not even my own. I have battled my entire life with self rejection – because even I don’t know what to do with…
As my heart becomes more awakened, so do my fears. And alongside the attempts to step out and risk again, to live daringly, I have faced a swarm of lies reminding me to sit down. What if they see me? What if I’m not good enough? What if they don’t like what they see? I am…
I stood there, stunned, and stared at the cool waterfall beside me. It was an eerie sound…the silence. No more voices, or demands and shrills of contempt. I breathed in the silence and felt relief. The weight on my shoulders felt empty, no longer a dead weight that I carried around. There was no one…
Dreams are like seeds. They are symbolic of new life, new strategies, and fresh ideas. Dreams begin to awaken within us when we entertain a new way of thinking, a potential idea, that feels impossible to accomplish from where we stand today. They are beautiful in the beginning, naive and full of hope. The passion…
After countless years of being lost out at sea, it was time to come back to the shore. He was waiting there for me, beckoning me back in. I warily lugged in my anchor and hoped that this time the waves would be on my side, and drift me in. It had been a long…
I sat there, slumped over in my chair, feeling depleted. From across the shadows, I heard “If you could see Me, face to face right now, what would you ask Me?” Without hesitation, the questions flew off my tongue as if they had already been formed, “Where are you?! How did I get back here?…
An allegory: Pain as an unexpected guest… I was standing in my kitchen one day when a tiny black scorpion scurried across the countertop. I couldn’t believe that a creature like that would even be in my house! I wanted to get rid of it fast so I grabbed for anything to throw at it,…
Even as an adult, I was still feeling paralyzed by ghosts from my past. I was trying to move forward, and do life well, but I felt like a prisoner inside of my own mind, and could not figure out why. I didn’t understand how something from decades ago could still be haunting me today. …
An allegory about the healing of the soul… As I stumbled through the cave, the Man with the flashlight continued to lead me down a dark corridor. I had no idea this hallway was even here. It was cold and damp, full of cobwebs that appeared to have been growing for years. We weaved through…
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.” – Maya Angelou Over the past few years, I have been opening up a part of myself that I never wanted to see again. It started when I began seeing a counselor to help me “deal” with the current problems in my…
Sweat was dripping down my face as I kneeled in the dirt and my thoughts were spinning wildly in the scorching sun. “Where are we?” I wondered as I dug. “What on earth are we looking for?” Love was kneeled beside me in the dirt, digging alongside. He hadn’t said a word since we got here,…
I grew up in the Church and I must have heard the salvation message hundreds of times. My parents planted the church in our home when I was two, and they faithfully pastored there for nearly 40 years. As a pastors kid, I grew up going to multiple camps, conferences, and mission trips. I was “saved”…
It has taken me 3 years to be brave enough to launch this blog. It’s ridiculous, I know, that the domain name is the brave soul. I have been waiting to feel strong enough, good enough to have something to say. But the truth is, being brave begins again every single day. And even though…