My Own Song

What I wrestle most deeply with is finding a sense of belonging.  I am eccentric, passionate, untamed, and creative and I don’t seem to fit in anyone’s box or paradigm, not even my own.  I have battled my entire life with self rejection – because even I don’t know what to do with me.  Sometimes I feel like an orphan in this world because I’ve just never felt like I fit in.  I have spent years stuffing it, denying it, and running from it – from my own self.  I have hated my voice, my body, my soul.  But the unraveling inside of me has finally landed in this place…where I am truly me. 

He told me that my skin fits me like a glove, and that He personally designed me.  The song that I was born to sing is one that no one else can write.  It comes from deep within my own story, threading together the pieces of my own victories and battles.  It is a song of vulnerability – telling the raw details – that grab a hold of the human heart and pull them into a redemption story.  The parts I wish I didn’t have to tell; the struggles with self hatred, shame, religion, and insecurities…there is an endless list of failures.  But everything changed when I met Compassion – who then introduced me to Love.  Love had never been a welcomed guest inside of me, until Compassion showed me who I really was, and I finally invited love in.  Jesus is both.

The Truth is alive inside of me, and weaved throughout my story.  I believe in the God who Breathes on us and comes in close.  He is relevant, in the midst, always near, whispering life, and cheering us on.  Redeeming everything.  It is not a fairy tale, but it is Good News, and it involves a messy vulnerable life.  It requires a faith that comes from deep inside of me – not an external momentum.  I no longer have to be a victim to my own religion.  I am Alive.  I am called to be seen.  To show up.  To risk, fail, hope, and to never give up.